I Am Not Now, Nor Have I Ever Been ... a Spy - tagalogue

Written by Peter Lefcourt (excerpts from the episode belong to him)

"Oh, my mother! What am I going to tell my mother?". . . . . .

. . . . . ."I got it! I got it!" Lee exclaimed, after Amanda refuted all of his suggestions and told him they've all been used or wouldn't work.

"What?"

They stepped into the elevator together and turned to face the doors as Lee started to explain. "You're standing in your kitchen."

"Yeah."

"And you hear a noise, and there is an incredibly handsome man, just standing there," he began, not even noticing Amanda roll her eyes as he continued, "and one thing led to another..."

Amanda shook her head as the doors closed in front of them. "That would never work."

"Why not?"

She kept her eyes focused on the numbers above the elevator doors as they lit up and went dark again. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Because I don't know any incredibly handsome men."

Out of the corner of her eye, Amanda saw Lee turn to look at her, surprise evident in the way his mouth dropped open a little. He obviously couldn't believe she could stand there and say that with a straight face. She had trouble holding back the grin that tugged at her lips. When the elevator bell sounded and the doors opened, Amanda stepped out first. Lee followed, still seeming to struggle to come up with a response to her previous remark.

As soon as they were in the corridor, she continued where she left off. "I don't even know very many men, period, so Mother would be very suspicious if I told her that. No, I think I'll tell her I got cold feet."

"Cold feet?"

The pressure of Lee's hand at the small of her back reassured Amanda as he guided her along the hallway toward the Personnel department. "Well, you know we were supposed to have Dean's mother over for lunch the day we met and ordered those chili dogs. I'll tell her that I had second thoughts about the lunch and couldn't bear to tell her about it, so I didn't show up." She nodded, pleased that she had come up with plausible answer.

"So, have you finally decided to ditch that guy?"

"Who? Dean?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I've been feeling that things weren't right for a while, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it. He didn't even come to see me while I was in the hospital, and Mother said she called him to tell him where I was."

"Well, it's for the best."

Amanda stopped and turned to face him, narrowing her eyes. "How do you know?"

Lee stopped too, and met her gaze. "Aww, come on, Amanda. It's like I said at the hot dog stand. I have instincts, and I just don't see the two of you together."

"Instincts!" She released an exasperated sigh. "It was your instincts that got me into this mess in the first place that day you stopped me at the train station! And look where that's gotten me! Lying to my family and sneaking around, passing messages and pretending to be someone I'm not."

"Are you going to tell me you don't enjoy this line of work? The danger, excitement and intrigue?" His voice held a distinct note of challenge. She watched him raise his eyebrows, a slight grin forming on his lips.

"That's beside the point," she mumbled. "Maybe getting involved in all of this is why I'm breaking things off with Dean. I can't continue to lie to him like I've been doing. It's not fair to him, and he doesn't deserve it." Amanda paused for a moment. "Maybe I'm giving up the wrong thing. Maybe I should give up this work and stay with Dean. You don't even know Dean, so how can you say we're not a good match?" She placed her hands on her hips and continued to stare at him.

A brief flash of panic appeared in his eyes when she mentioned giving up working for the Agency, but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. Amanda watched him settle his expression into one of nonchalance. "Well, I know enough about him from what you've said, and he doesn't seem like your type."

"Oh? And just what is my type?"

She watched his gaze slowly move across her face and stop at her mouth. Lee closed his eyes, as if to rid his mind of whatever he was thinking at the moment. Amanda struggled to prevent the blush his frank appraisal had caused.

Lee opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. "Well...you..." He fumbled with what to say. "You can just do better," he muttered. His gaze shifted, and she heard his sigh of relief when he noticed they were standing in front of Personnel. "Look, why don't you wait out here and I'll get the file I need, then we can think about getting the report done on this case." He moved towards the door without giving her a chance to disagree.

Amanda shook her head as she watched him enter Personnel. She couldn't help but grin at how nervous he was when she'd cornered him a moment ago. It wasn't something she had planned to do, but when the situation presented itself, it was too difficult to resist. Besides, he was far too sure of himself and deserved to be knocked down a couple of pegs. She had certainly embarrassed herself enough times, and it was nice to not be on the defensive for once.

Thoughts about recent embarrassing moments led to the conversation in Lee's apartment when he had pressed her to remember something about him. She'd never forget the look on his face when she had rambled about forgetting things that were emotionally complicated. "I don't know what could be so emotionally complicated about you that would make me not..." She could still vividly remember the thoughts that had gone through her mind when her eyes had met his. In them, she could see a spark of something she didn't want to identify. She couldn't bring herself to admit that there might be more to their relationship than just working together. The worst part, though, was the disappointment she felt when he assured her there wasn't.

Even now, as she watched him through the doors to Personnel, a part of her wondered if there was more that her mind was blocking out. She was certain she remembered everything, but that brief time of not knowing had cast a shadow of doubt over her that left her very curious. With an exasperated sigh, she reprimanded herself, "All right, Amanda, snap out of it!"

"Snap out of what?"

Lee's voice directly in front of her startled her for a moment. She'd been so lost in thought, she hadn't even noticed him come out the doors and approach. "Oh, nothing." She waved her hand and passed it off as unimportant. "Did you get the file?"

"Yeah." He held it up for her to see and turned back the way they had come a few minutes ago. Amanda followed as Lee placed his hand at her back again. "So, since we have to get to work on this report for the De Gregorio case, how did you know to get into that plane with him and make sure he didn't take off?" They reached the elevator again and Lee pressed the button. The doors immediately opened, so they stepped inside.

Amanda shrugged and watched the doors close. "I don't know. I guess I just reacted. Before that guy brought you in, the other man told me all about their plan, about the nerve gas and De Gregorio flying over Arlington, and I knew I had to do something. If I didn't..." She turned to face him, the warmth of tears forming in her eyes. "Lee, they were going to kill my family!"

Lee reached out and drew her against him. "Hey," he whispered, "nothing happened, thanks to your quick thinking. Even when you weren't sure of who you are, you still acted on instinct and did just what you should have done. You knew when you first got involved with all of this that there were going to be risks, but we've always managed to come out on top, and this time was no different. So, relax and put it out of your mind."

Amanda sniffed and nodded. "You're right. Everything is fine, my family is safe, and I have my memory back."

"Right."

The elevator arrived at their floor, and they both stepped out into the corridor and headed back towards the bullpen, but stopped in front of the outside elevator. As they waited for the elevator to arrive, Lee handed a folder to her.

"This should be everything you need to type up your part of the report, but if you need anything, you know where to reach me." The bell sounded and Lee looked her directly in the eyes. "Are you sure you'll be all right getting home?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. Thank you." Amanda took the folder from him and stepped backward into the elevator. As she watched his handsome face, her eyes met his. She began to drown in the hazel pools. A shake of her head to clear her mind, and she smiled. "Oh, Lee?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied a little bit ago." At his raised eyebrows, she continued. "I do know a very handsome man." Amanda grinned.

"Oh yeah?" Lee smiled in return.

As the elevator doors began to close, she added, "Yeah, there's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"He has the worst manners!" Amanda called out to Lee just as the doors closed all the way, but not before she caught a glimpse of his shocked expression. A smile formed on her lips at the thought of that conversation on the couch at his apartment. One thing was certain. If she had been involved with Lee or had any kind of an affair with him, there was no way she would have ever forgotten it.

(THE END)

Leave your comments

Back to SMK Fan Fiction